Are you a Giver in a Relationship with a Taker?

 

There is a beautiful balance that occurs when two people have an equal amount of give and take. Imagine a top spinning ever so perfectly, almost as if a string is holding it up. The top symbolizes the relationship that you are in; your loved one makes up one side and you the other. Now imagine if you give less than your loved one. The top begins to wobble and tip, moving drastically in inconsistent patterns. Imagine if you give too much, and it pushes the top the other way. We need your relationship to find a happy equilibrium and to discover balance. 

 

In today's video, we will be going over 12 signs that you have a taker or an energy vampire in your life, sucking you dry of your resources, well-being, and joy. 

 

If you are an empath, a kind-hearted person, or a people pleaser, you are the number 1 target for a taker or energy vampire. Why? Because you're most likely a giver. You lean towards giving and nurturing. The opposite of that would be a taker. So while you are focused on giving, the other person is focused on taking. Thus your energy will not get replaced. Knowledge is power, so the goal of this video is to heighten your awareness of some of the characteristics of a taker. 

 

Now before we get started, I'd like to state that just because some people are in a "taker" state at the moment doesn't mean they will be that way forever. Especially if they are young. As people mature, they tend to learn social manners and learn tough lessons about life that help them appreciate what others give to them. Also, nobody is perfect. It's possible that you may recognize some of these taker characteristics in yourself, and you can use this video as a way to improve and re-balance some of your relationships. However, there are people where the "taker" characteristics are engrained in them. They will not change. This is a sad truth because if you're a giver, you'll most likely believe that they will because you have a big heart. If that is the case, you'll have to make a tough decision to step away from the taker or stop giving to them. And see how they act in return. If nothing on their part changes and they still show no effort. It might be time to bounce because you're allowing your energy to get fed off of. 

 

So let's look at 12 signs that you may be involved with a taker:  

 

1. The taker in relationships requires all of your support and attention on demand but rarely gives you the same unless there is something in it for them. 

 

We all have a crisis here and there, times when we really need support, whether it's when we are sick, or we've gotten into an argument with a loved one. We naturally look for our partner for support, to vent, and to dig deep into why people act the way they do. You're a giver in relationships if you show up for your partner. I mean physically, emotionally, and mentally show up. You create a safe space for your partner to get their troubles out. Whatever their need is, you are happy to give it to them, whether it's a hug or a comforting kiss on the forehead. Maybe some crazy stuff happened in your life that day, but you know that your partner's woes are on the table right now, so you wait to bring up your stuff. Now, let's talk about a taker's reaction to this situation. Their partner comes to them in crisis mode, and the taker decides whether or not supporting their partner will benefit them at all. If they find that it does, they will fake sympathy and act like they are listening. Then at the opportune time, they will interject their agenda and strike while you are vulnerable. If the taker doesn't find your situation beneficial to them, they will simply not show up. They will be hard to reach. They won't take care of you when you're sick. They'll act like they're listening but, instead, have an eye on the TV. They'll diminish your feelings and tell you, you're overreacting. Pretty much they will do what's best, serving them at that time, and leave you dealing with your stuff by yourself or with other people who actually care. They are not a person to lean on when unfortunate things happen in your life. They will find a way to make it about themselves. However, let them experience an issue, and they would expect you to stop what they're doing and tend to them. If support is one-sided in your relationship, then this is a sign that you are with a taker. 

 

2. The taker in relationships, don't ask how you are doing. Because they don't really care or they are unaware that there's an entire world happening outside of themselves. For example, if you have a friend that calls you every time they're in a crisis but doesn't ask how you are doing at all. Or when they do, they aren't really listening and turn the conversation back to themselves again. You might be engaging with a taker. 

 

3. The taker in the relationship rarely makes plans. If you're a giver, you're usually proactive. You plan dates, you make reservations, and you think about what kind of atmosphere would be fun for your partner. You may order groceries so that you can cook your partner's favorite meal. If you're a taker, you make no effort to make plans because you know that your partner is going to do it. You expect your partner to provide entertaining plans that will keep you upbeat and happy. The taker, at times, won't even show up to the giver's plans and blow them off or does not appreciate how much time and work went into making the experience lovely and enjoyable. As a proactive planner myself, this is so infuriating. Make some solid and fun plans once in a while for the person who typically plans everything else. And show up to the plans that you make. 

 

4. So this one is true, especially if you don't have a dynamic where one partner has agreed to pay for everything. If you find yourself paying for mostly everything, and that's not something you've agreed to, then you might be in a relationship with a taker. This goes for friendships as well. Before I go any further, I'm going to call some people out right now. For all of you who don't pay for any of the Ubers, who say they're going to buy the next round but never do, who ask to borrow money but don't pay it back, who show up to parties with nothing in your hands, who don't offer to put your cards down at the dinners because you don't want to pay for your whole meal, who don't buy your close friends birthday cakes, who don't pitch in on gas when you are both traveling together, who don't offer to drive and instead sleep in the front seat, who borrow clothes but then never give them back, who don't buy toilet paper and paper towels. Who ask to get picked up from the airport but refuse to return the favor. 

This is you being a taker. And if you don't know… now you know. People notice when you don't give back, especially when it comes to money and resources. If you think you are slipping by unnoticed, you're not. You're just inspiring the people whom you are taking from to become more resentful. 

 

5. All right, let's talk about cleanliness. Again if you have a relationship where you have chosen certain roles, like you like cleaning or you've chosen taking care of cleaning chores as a way for you to provide for your partnership or friendship, then ignore this otherwise…. If you find yourself picking up after another person most of the time. If the majority of the time you clean all of the dirty dishes, you take out the trash, you mop or vacuum the floor, you do laundry for the both of you and fold it up nice and neat. If you cook a nice dinner and your partner doesn't ask if you need help with the dishes. For friends who live with each other, cleaning is a way of showing respect for one another, so if you're leaving a mess everywhere for others to clean up or you don't follow the cleaning schedule or contribute to helping when others are, then you are taking energy away from others. In general, if you find yourself becoming a maid for your partner or friend while they don't help at all, and this isn't something you signed up for, it's possible that you are in a relationship with a taker. 

 

6. If you're in a friendship or relationship with a taker, you'll know because the spotlight always has to be on them. Takers need attention. All of the attention. They don't like to share. This dynamic plays out in interesting ways with friendship. Let's say three friends are out together. If there's a taker, then they will begin to triangulate the attention, meaning the taker will have you and the other friend battling it out against each other for the taker's attention. The taker will start this war between you by creating disagreements between the two of you, while the taker places themselves in the middle as a prize to be won. In a relationship, the taker will not allow you to have moments to shine. When you're getting too much attention, the taker will get jealous and make passive-aggressive comments to sway the attention off of you and back onto them. If the taker isn't the center of attention, they cause drama or issues in the relationship. 

 

7. This leads me to my next point. No matter how much attention you give a taker, it won't be enough. The taker has an empty spot inside of themselves, and it's boundless. It's a cup that can't be filled by an outside person. This cup can only be filled by them loving themselves, but unfortunately for a taker, this is one of the hardest things to do. They run from themselves, and instead of learning how to feed themselves, they rely on others to feed them. They rely on givers to nourish their souls. It's tempting to try to change a taker, to make them wake up and realize that they have a beautiful giver right in front of them. They have to discover this for themselves. And most times, they discover this after a giver has a left. After a giver has stopped doing the things they used to do. That emptiness is where they will feel some sort of appreciation and longing. One would hope that it was genuine appreciation, but it could also just be that they don't have anyone to do those things anymore, and now they're worried about themselves again. 

 

8. Takers rarely contact you first. They rarely make dates with you. They rarely reach out to you just to check to see how you're doing. You have to be the one to contact them, call them. This conditions you from the beginning that you need to be the one to put in communication effort because if you don't, there will be no relationship. There isn't reciprocation with a taker unless there is something in it for them. As time goes on and the taker sees something about you that they can use for their advantage, they will contact you because they want to feed off whatever resources that you have, that could be your friend's group, your money, the way you make them feel, your energy, your body, all of it.  

 

9. One way to spot a taker is that they usually don't have that many close, deep, healthy connections. They might be estranged from their family or not really close with them. The connections that they do have are usually heavy and conflicting or surface level. You hear them complaining about arguments with their friends and family, demonizing them and swaying you to believe in their story. Then you happen to hear the other side of the story, and it doesn't sound anything like what your taker told you. 

 

10. Takers are unbelievably entitled, and they don't like to share. For one reason or another, they truly believe that they are owed something or everything from most people they come into contact with. So, for example, if you have food. They will think they are entitled to your food. They'll eat it. But when they have food, and you ask to have some. They'll say, "I paid for that," or "No... I want to save it for later." Takers believe that they are entitled to your resources, but when it comes to theirs, they are so stingy. They won't share, or they'll make you jump through hoops to get it. 

 

11. The taker doesn't tend to you when you're not feeling well. If you have a taker in your life, they will most likely abandon you when you're not feeling well, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Why? Because they aren't able to use your energy because you don't have much to give. For example, let's say you have anxiety about being in a large crowd; they won't go with you to the back or stand to the side. They'll make you feel like you're a nuisance to them and that you are a burden. Let's say that you are sick, and you ask them to bring you soup. They will make up an excuse as to why they can't do that for you. An example would be if a girl is too sick to have sex, but the guy just pressures her until it happens. The taker in this example doesn't care that his girl is sick; he only cares about what he can get.    

 

12. I, me, my, mine. Takers are lost in the world of "I." You'll notice that most of the time they speak to you, it will be about them and their experience. Even when you talk to them about something heartbreaking and serious, they'll find a way to bring it back to them and their experience. Ultimately they will hijack the conversation. You'll probably find that you don't want to talk to them as much or you feel better talking to other people because with takers, you'll go into the conversation with less energy than you had coming in. Takers are really bad at listening and holding space, although they may put up a good act.