Don’t get relationship advice from these 5 people 

 

Hello, Moodlings; I’m Dr. Nicole Lunan, the CEO and Co-Founder of MoodMe, and a specialist in Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence. Today, we are going to be discussing the six types of people that you should not go to for relationship advice. 

 

We’ve all been there, confused, hurt, or lost after a conflict with our bae. Filled with questions, we scramble to find any ounce of understanding, and we go to the people closest to us for relationship advice. We’re Like, hey; I’m struggling right now, I’m so lost in the sauce that I can’t see what’s happening right now. Can you see what’s happening? I need you! Please take my hand and help guide me out of this mess. 

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Now getting relationship advice can be a good or bad thing depending on the person you talk to. When we take relationship advice from another, depending on how much we listen to them, we are opening the relationship up to outside influence.

 

Now that we understand how impactful relationship advice can be. Let’s take a look at 5 types of people you should NOT go to for relationship advice. 

 

Stranger things: Scene of a friend talking shit about her bf 

 

People tend to speak from their friend of reference. 

Misery loves company. People in a certain place want to have people with them. 

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1. Frenemy (Oh my god, I love your sweater, where did you get it)

• Selfish

• Jealous

• Envious 

• If it came down to you or them, they would throw you under a bus. 

 

The term frenemy is a blending of the word friend + enemy … Someone who pretends to be your friend but is secretly wishing for your demise, kind of like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Frenemies can be a little tough to spot, especially if they conned you into thinking that they care about you and have your best interest at heart. Some signs to look out for would be that they talk behind your back, don’t celebrate your wins, they’re very competitive (one up you in conversations, as well as minimize and devalue your accomplishments), subtly paper cut you, or put you down in public, self-centered, opportunistic + not there for you unless there’s something in it for them.

 

A frenemy would not be a good person to get relationship advice from because you can’t trust them. If the relationship is interrupting their ability to use you, then they will influence you to end it. Vice versa, if you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, but the frenemy likes the perks, they’ll influence you to stay in it. It’s all going to surround how they can benefit from your situation and the opportunities it provides them.  

 

Whatever you do, do not give a frenemy the power to influence your relationship. 
 

2.Overly Agreeable Friend

• Agrees with everything you have to say about everyone with giving no real input back. 

 

Agreeable friends are really easy to talk to, almost too easy. They lean towards taking our side and co-sign on every passionate point we make.  A friend that agrees with everything, if not all things we say, the time is dangerous when consulting them for relationship advice because they may not offer balanced advice. When a conflict occurs in a relationship, both parties are responsible, so if you have this agreeable friend agreeing to your side of the story, pumping your gas, and getting you hyped up, you can see how that may tip the scale in a disillusioned way. Thus, causing you not to be open to hearing your partner’s side because you already got evidence that you are %100 correct about this. 

 

3. The Cynical Friend 

• Miranda off sex and the city 

 

Another friend we should be weary of taking advice from is the “cynical friend” This type of friend has been burned by love, singed. Their heart is closed off, so much so that they don’t believe in love anymore. Many of their comments about love and relationships will have a dark and negative tone to it. Their cynicism is being used as a shield to protect them from being hurt again. They don’t want to open the door to hope because they’ve been crushed by it before, and they won’t want you to do it, either. Unfortunately, cynicism can be contagious, and therefore if you go with this type of friend with your relationship questions, it could be met with a distrustful, defensive, + pessimistic attitude. They will most likely focus on bad things that could happen rather than the good and have a warped view of a conflict. They might also be anchored to their belief of how your situation will turn out and be attached to the negative outcome because that would mean their view of love being a bad and hurtful phenomenon would be correct. 

 

4. The Co-dependent friend 

 

Co-dependent friends include those where two people are so enmeshed that all the boundaries have melted away. Enmeshment means that both people have lost their individual identities to the friendship. Now, if you are in a co-dependent friendship, and you try to input another person or significant other into your life, your friend will obviously feel the effects, as energy will be taken away from the friendship and placed more on the new intimate relationship forming. A codependent friend can become controlling or jealous. If you start to become close to someone else—like another friend or even a romantic partner—your co-dependent friend may feel deeply threatened. Therefore, your friend may feel abandoned, lost, and confused and may try to stop you from being successful in your new relationship. Therefore, it is not a good idea to go to this person for relationship advice. A hidden agenda may lurk behind the kind and comforting words. Or in co-dependents friendships, when one person is upset, the other person is too, as there’s no boundary between emotions, so getting advice from this person wouldn’t be beneficial as they’re so attached to your experience that they can’t get a clear vision. 

 

5. The Drama Junkie - stirring up trouble 

 

A drama junkie’s favorite thing in the world is to stir up trouble + gossip. Some people are just addicted to drama. Drama triggers a particular part of the brain, thus causing them to actually crave it like a drug. Drama junkies aren’t so much sincerely interested in your story as much as they are feeding off the thrill of the emotional roller coaster ride. And, as soon as you get done confiding in them, they will surely go tell another person, and make sure to include all the juicy details. They may have the inability to stay out of your conflict, as they typically see a conflict as an opportunity to get involved and take sides, thus contributing more to the problem, not helping to solve it. 

 

Good relationships are something that we must protect. Imagine the two of you inside a bubble. When you open the bubble up for outside influence, we want to make sure that it is helpful. 

 

Alright, we’ve gone over the five different types of people not to take advice from about your relationship. So let’s go over the types of people who it would be helpful to take relationship advice from. 

 

1. Yourself and your intuition – if you take the time to slow down, you’ll hear your intuitive voice come through. This inner voice is THE most important advice you’re going to get. Now, this isn’t your egoic voice or your scared child voice – that will lead you forwards with fear. This is your mature higher self-voice that will show you the way forward with strength, love, and courage. It is a powerful guiding force that can be developed and worked on. Why should we listen to ourselves and our intuition over everyone else? Because you are the only one who knows your relationship to the core. How many times do we leave out details, or do our stories change depending on the person we are telling them to? How many times do you sway the story to shift the way our audience will react?  Building a relationship with your intuition is important, as it creates trust in your decision-making process. So, the next time you are in a relationship conflict, take some time and ask your intuition to speak, and even though it may or may not be what you want to hear, listen.  

2. If we do go to others for advice, we want to look for these qualities in the person we are asking to help: 

   • Good listener 

   • Ask lots of questions 

   • Have a balanced view and can look at both sides of the situation evenly. 

   • Gives honest feedback when asked, meaning they aren’t afraid to tell you when you are wrong or also aren’t afraid to say when you may have been mistreated

   • Someone who will not judge you but make you feel safe, to be honest. 

   • Someone that will meet your pain with gentleness, compassion, and care. 

   • Someone who is rooting for you and is on your team. 

   • Someone who has relationship experience or someone you look up to. 

 

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