Orbiting: A Toxic Dating Trend Linked to Ghosting + Breakups

 

Hello Moodlings, my name is Dr. Nicole Lunan, a 10-year energy healer, emotional intelligence specialist, and the CEO and Co-Founder of MoodMe, a new app that allows you to share over 400 + moods, emotions, and desires with your lover, thus making communication simple, fun, and super easy. 

 

Today we will be talking about a toxic social media trend called orbiting. But first, let me introduce it to you with a scenario. 

 

Let’s use Kayla as an example. Kayla had been dating Tom for a month. They started off hot and fiery. Tom planned the first date and picked Kayla up to bring her to an exclusive sushi spot. He even brought flowers and yellow tulips. “Nobody do Tom was aggressive in his dating approach and wanted to see Kayla as much as he could when he could. Kayla was super excited about Tom, “finally a man who puts in some effort. Chivalry isn’t dead after all”, she thought. Tom’s attention and consistent actions made Kayla feel safe to be intimate. So, they had sex, great sex; in fact, he even spent the night and made sure to cuddle with her and took her to a nice breakfast in the morning. Kayla was feeling all the high feels, floating on a cloud, her thoughts tending to travel effortlessly back to Tom as she daydreamed her way through work. “I think I’m really starting to fall for you,” she texted while watching the season finale of the bachelor. Sipping her wine, she waited for his usual quick reply. Unfortunately, no three dots appeared on her phone. In fact, it said it was left on “read” with no reply. “He’s probably asleep,” she reasoned. She put herself to sleep in hopes of calming her creeping anxiety. The next morning, she awakened, rolled over, and unlocked her phone. She immediately felt a sinking feeling in her stomach when she saw no reply from Tom. To take her mind off things, she went on social media. She immediately spotted tom online. And not only that, but he had watched her recent story that was posted directly before bed. Despite her text messages to Tom, “Hey, good morning.” “What you up to? I’m thinking about you.” “Is something wrong?” There was no response back from Tom. However, Tom was active on his Instagram, posting stories and motivational quotes. Kayla had been completely ghosted by Tom. However, Tom still liked all of her posts and was the first to look at every story she posted on insta. So, Kayla began posting more, consistently checking to see if he would look. Her self-esteem plummeted as she dealt with this confusion about Tom’s actions. Why would he ghost her like this? But also still quietly stalking her on social media.

 

Ok, let’s break down this story. First, ghosting is, without a doubt, one of the most frustrating things about dating. Especially when the person you are dating gets your hopes up high. It’s like they know the perfect time to pull the plug right you’re feeling connected to them and have allowed your guard down. You may have thought things were going well, only to be left in the dark silence with no explanation, left with your thoughts which can turn really defeating quickly if you are feeling rejected. 

 

But do you know what’s even more, Tend Bundy manipulative than being ghosted? Being ghosted and having the silent stalk you or orbit you on social media. Being ghosted by the person who still engages with you on social media but refuses to speak to you directly. 

 

They’ve managed to disappear off the planet, thus leaving your texts on read. Question mark question mark. However, they appear back on the planet to like the tweet you just posted. 

 

This is so manipulative and let me explain why.

 

When they orbit around you on social media or passive-aggressively stalk you on social with no direct communication, it can give you hope that they still care about you. First, they give you all their attention and charge up your oxytocin and dopamine. Then they take it away from you without any explanation and put you in a scarcity mindset. They make you question yourself and your reality. They then use social media as a tool to give you little ounces of hope, attention, and dopamine. 

 

Orbiting can also happen after breakups. If your ex is still looking at all your stories, liking all of your posts, and you two haven’t been talking or aren’t on good terms, then that still counts as orbiting. Your ex may still want you to know that they are watching you and paying attention. Without being aware, you could be posting things with this in the back of your mind. Posting things that may trigger your ex emotionally in a happy or sad way.