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How to Spot a Frenemy

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I was visiting Vegas the other weekend for my girl's birthday, and her two friends were fighting at the end of the night. We had a few drinks, and fights can happen at the end. You know what I always say, end the night before the night ends you. Anyways the two girls are arguing. It turns out they are best friends, and one of the girls, let's say Kayla, for example, looked in her bf's Sonia phone, went through her messages, and discovered a message Sonia sent to her mom about Kayla, saying she wasn't being nice to her. Kayla then went on to throw a fit and cause a scene. This was so freaking weird to me. Why would Kayla be looking at Sonia's phone, invading her privacy? After speaking with Sonia, she told me more about Kayla's behavior. She told me that whenever they're out together, Kayla is ultra-competitive with her as far as guys go. If they come up to Sonia first, Kayla is a Swooper. She comes and swoops in and does whatever she can to gain the guy's attention by doing whatever is necessary. Placing herself between the guy and Sonia, talking over Sonia, making fun of her when she's trying to speak, the whole nine yards. Sonia even twisted her ankle going out with Kayla the previous night, and she could have sworn that when she fell, she saw a glint of triumph and happiness in Kayla's eyes before she asked if Sonia was ok. Ring the alarms, ladies and gentlemen; Kayla is a frenemy! And this is what we will be discussing in today's video. 


Hello Moodlings, my name is Dr. Nicole Lunan, and I am the CEO and Co-Founder of MoodMe, a new app that allows you to share over 400+ moods, emotions, and desires with your lover, thus making communication simple, fun, and super easy.  


Frenemies are bittersweet but easy to spot when you know what to look for. Why are they bittersweet? Well, they're usually available to hang out whenever so they are easily accessible. If someone is a frenemy and you've allowed them close to you, they have learned you, and you may have created an attachment to them. Frenemies can focus and give you attention, whether that be good attention or bad. They are fun and charming when they aren't trying to stab you in the back. That makes it even harder to cut them off. Because you'll have to build new patterns with another friend, I believe finding a good friend is sometimes harder than dating. With dating, you can expect that it won't work out or possibly even that they'll betray you. But with friendships, we open our hearts and trust more. So, when they throw you under the bus, it stings. But what are the signs that your dear friend secretly wishes for your demise, or even more crazy, wants your life, wishes to take your place, to be you, to feed off your bright and shining energy until there isn't anything left? I've got the answers for you!


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Ok, Ok, sign number 1 about how to spot a frenemy. 

  1. Frenemies are ultra-competitive. They will compete with you every step of the way and steal your shine. They will compete with you for attention from men, women, and children. Anyone that is giving you attention, they will want to take it away from you. For example, you could decide to teach your friend's daughter how to dance, and out of nowhere, your frenemy swoops and quite literally steps in the middle to take over, and not in an inclusive way, in an "I can do this better than you type of way," Or a cute guy could come up to you at the bar, and give you his number, you turn around, and your frenemy is making out with him. Going out with a frenemy is challenging because anybody new you meet; the frenemy will want to take your shine and one-up you in front of them. Frenemies will compete with you specifically in front of other people. And especially when it comes to people that you are clearly attracted to. They will make sure to show other people that they know better and go on to show reasons why. If you feel that your friend is acting in an "I can do this better than you type of way," or "I'm better than you," you have a frenemy on your hands. 

  2. Frenemies copy things that you do. Frenemies typically don't have an identity of their own; they are copycats. If you do your hair with a part in the middle, you'll look on Instagram the next day and see their hair parted the same way. If you get a new phone, they'll get that new phone. If you like a specific song and introduce it to your frenemy, they'll play that song at a party and say that they discovered it. In a way, it's a compliment because they admire you so much that they want to do everything you do. It's almost as if they want to be you. 

  3. They Put You Down. Due to frenemies being highly competitive, they have a knack for putting you down, especially in public. They may hide it behind a teasing or joking manner, but don't be confused. Good friends build each other up, especially in front of others. If your friend is paper-cutting you in conversations, taking personal things that you told them, and laughing at it with others, that's not ok. When they put you down and you begin getting defensive, they'll say things like, damn girl; I was just joking. No need to get worked up. Or anything along those lines that is a frenemy. They will make it seem like you're being overly dramatic and want to sweep it under the rug, act like nothing happened, and that you're overly sensitive and insecure. When really, they're just being a bully. 

  4. They will actively ruin your other relationships. Frenemies don't like you giving your energy to other people. Suppose you have a new relationship that you are excited about. In that case, they will get in your ear, play on your biggest insecurities and fears about relationships, and work to ruin your opportunity at love. Why? Because it doesn't serve them. If you fall in love, that means you won't be her wing woman anymore. This new person is encroaching on the frenemy's time, and they don't like that. They want to keep you in the position that you are in right now because that's what's helping them do what they want. If another one of your best friends tries to visit you, the frenemy will ensure that the night out ends in some type of argument. The frenemy will get into your besties ear and instigate, slipping pieces of drama here and there, enough to look like it was done innocently, yet also enough to cause chaos. 

  5. They are jealous of your success. Frenemies are jealous of anything that is going well in your life. If you get a new promotion at work, they may act happy, but underneath their façade, you feel jealousy brewing. They may try to change the subject, minimize your accomplishments, or make a backhanded comment. When other people who care about you are happy about your new achievement, they will chime in and say things like, "right, I'm so proud of her." But that's hardly the case. They are competitive and be pissed that they aren't getting attention. They'll be upset that you achieved something they may haven't yet and will drop into insecurity and comparison. A frenemy doesn't want to see you win. Or if they do want to see you win, it's only because it's serving them somehow. Anything that's serving them works, but if not, they'll do what they can to sabotage or diminish.  

  6. Frenemies love triangulation. When out with a group of people, frenemies will subtly try to turn people against you. They'll create arguments or conflicts, make it seem like you are wrong, and get the other people on their side by agreeing with everything they see, even if they don't believe in it. Frenemies hate groups of threes. They will try to win over the third person and demonize you into looking like the bad guy, or not be inclusive, speak over you when you talk, and monopolize the third person's energy. They may also befriend another person and call them their best friend to make you jealous. Then begin spreading false gossip and lies to their new "best friend" to make you look bad, thus making the new friend dislike you. Then the frenemy would end up happily in the center of a friend triangle. 

  7. They give you dirty looks. Frenemies have a complete giveaway because often they can't control their face. They will give you dirty and judgmental looks, especially when you look away, and luckily, we have other friends that will catch that. If they roll their eyes when it's your turn to speak, that's also a red flag.

  8. Your other friends don't like this person. If none of your other friends or boyfriend/girlfriend like this person, that is a red flag. They can see the relationship from the outside looking in, and they can see how this person pulls your strings, the dirty looks they give you when you turn around. Sometimes the frenemy has their hooks so deep that it is hard to see clearly from the outside. So, if three people or more approach you about some strange behavior your friend is doing towards you, it's probably best to consider this. Things that are so apparent and right before our eyes are the hardest to see. 

  9. They like to see you fall. Frenemies like to see you fail. They might act like on the outside, but inside they are incredibly pleased. Why? Because this makes them better than you. They'll often swoop in and act as a savior to pick you off your feet. But really, they are enjoying the whole process because you are more dependent on them than ever. Also, they like to watch you trip and fall or do something silly in public. Anything that makes you look less than them, they love it and will amplify it to everyone around you or bring it up in the next conversation between you and a hot guy.

They like to see you fall. Frenemies like to see you fail. They might act like on the outside, but inside they are incredibly pleased. Why? Because this makes them better than you. They'll often swoop in and act as a savior to pick you off your feet. But really, they are enjoying the whole process because you are more dependent on them than ever. Also, they like to watch you trip and fall or do something silly in public. Anything that makes you look less than them, they love it and will amplify it to everyone around you or bring it up in the next conversation between you and a hot guy.

Like I said before, Frenemies are bittersweet. They make you feel like you have someone readily available to go out for dinners, talk to, lay in bed, and watch sex and the city. However, just because they're available doesn't make them positive energy to be around. Also, they may act differently when you're alone and in public. Because when you're alone, there's no need to compete. They have you all to themselves. 


Do you have a frenemy? What'd you think about the nine ways to spot one?


Don't stop now! Check out our next article!


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