Is It Love, Or Love Bombing?

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Is It Love, Or Love Bombing?

 

Have you ever gone on a few dates with someone and already they say…. 

  1. "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met." 

  2. "We have an instant connection; I bet we are soulmates."

  3. "I want you to be the mother of my children."

  4. "Your eyes are amazing, your hair is amazing, and your body looks absolutely amazing."

  5. "Amazing, Amazing, Amazing. Did I mention you're the most amazing person I've ever met?"

  6. Yes, yes, yes… omg, I'm just blown back by how talented and special you are. 

  7. Omg, I think I'm falling in love with you. 

  8. I want to start a life with you. 

  9. Let me spoil you, give you nice things, give you the life you've always wanted. 

  10. How are you not taken already? Others don't understand you as I do

  11. Do you want to be my girlfriend, be my girlfriend already.

  12. I want you all to myself because I know I can take care of you.

  13. Spend all your time with me. Oh, you want to go home and wash your laundry… I have a washer machine at my house, wash it there. 

  14. I know you're the one for me; I can just tell. 

  15. Let me take care of you; let me treat you like you deserve. 

  16. I know what you deserve; I know how to treat you. 

  17. You're into spirituality, so funny I am too! You're into shopping; I love shopping. You're into bird watching; I just bought some binoculars. 

  18. Let's do everything together. Let's spend all of our time together. No, don't spend time with your friends. Spend time with me. I promise you won't be sorry. 

 

Love bombers are like seeing a beautiful dress on Instagram. It looks wonderful on the models, well made of everlasting material. You think it will look great on you. That it will support you in all of the right places, the perfect accessory to your closet. You order it, and when you receive the dress, you quickly realize it's a piece of crap. The material is thin, the zipper doesn't work, the material isn't stretchy, and they sent you the wrong size. In no way does this dress match your expectations when you first saw it in all its full glory. You quickly realize that you've been sold a lemon. The difference between buying a raggedy dress and being love bombed by a real person is you can easily toss the dress in the trash with little to no feelings about it. Oh well, there goes $19.99. With a love bomber whom you've been intimate with, who has said the right things, done the right things, and let you play on your dreams and vulnerabilities, it is no way that easy. What is a love bomber? How can you spot one? This is what we will be talking about in today's video.

 

Hello, my name is Dr. Nicole Lunan, and I am the CEO and Co-founder of MoodMe, a new app that allows you to share over 400 + moods, emotions, and desires with your lover. Thus, making communication simple, fun, and super easy. 

 

So, what is love bombing? Love bombing is a behavior pattern where a partner shows over-the-top interest, attention, and affection at the beginning of the relationship. This is done as a manipulation technique to influence you to give them what they want. 

 

Love bombers are con artists, as they promise many things and set you up to think you are special, only to have zero truth to their words or actions. All very specific lies to get you to do what they want. Let's take The Tinder Swindler, for example. Simon Leviev sets his victims up to believe that he is a wealthy diamond mogul, who eats at the finest restaurants, stays at the finest hotels, gets exclusive invites to the most private parties filled with celebrities and the rich, travels around the world in private jets, yachts, Lamborghinis. On Tinder, Simon meets his love interests; he then lavishes his dates with a luxury lifestyle, flowers, trips to Mykonos, bottle service, lots of affection, and constant affirmation through texting and phone calls. Sounds like a dream, right? More like a nightmare. Once he gained the trust of his prospects, his love bombing was in full effect. He began taking advantage of them. Asking them for money, draining their bank accounts, and playing on their empathy. A classic con that was established through love bombing. 

 

Most situations aren't as dramatic as the tinder swindler; however, it does happen more than one would think. It depends on what the love bomber desires from you. Most of the time, it is done to control you in some way or form, whether that would be sexually, psychologically, or emotionally. They desire power over you, and they've watched cons and Disney movies to figure out what most desire is a prince charming. 

 

Why do people love bomb? 

 

  • They are a narcissist. 

"Many people who love bomb are narcissists who are looking to control their victims," Huynh said. They form a close bond quickly, often choosing people with codependent tendencies or who seem vulnerable and inviting of a "savior." Then, they will start to take control once they know there is an attachment.

 

It's important to note that not everyone who loves bombs is a villain. They may be led by fear, insecurities, and past pain. They may have formed particular attachment styles in which love bombing is helpful. 

 

  • They have an insecure attachment style

Someone with an insecure attachment style may love-bomb to "secure" the relationship quickly out of fear the partner will abandon them. The problem is that love bombing may overwhelm a partner and push them away, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

  • They have an avoidant attachment style

Someone with a more avoidant attachment style may love bomb to feel in control over the level of intimacy. But once the partner reciprocates, they may feel overwhelmed by the closeness. Then, they may begin to resent them and push them away, thus leading to calls the "flipside" of love bombing: ghosting.


 

So, is it love? Or is it love bombing? That is the question. Let's cover some tell-tale signs that will expose this tactic. Be aware that these techniques will begin immediately after they meet you before they even get the chance to really know you. Love bombing doesn't speak directly to you or your character because this person hasn't had the time to see you fully or taken the time to understand you, rather a projection of a bond that doesn't exist yet. 

 

  1. They make grand romantic gestures/give extravagant gifts

    • Love bombers are big into gift-giving and bringing their dates to lavish places. Gifts, in the beginning, are fun and exciting; however, take them with a grain of salt. They are a compliment to how they treat you. So don't get too caught up in the gift-giving that you decidedly ignore your date's character or actions. Make sure the gifts are not serving as a distraction but instead something heartfelt and generous. Sometimes there are strings attached to gifts. If I give you this, then I will expect this in return. Make sure the gift you receive you are aware of the expectations the giver expects. Maybe you will not know at first, but with time it will unfold. 

  2. They always compliment you, never-ending compliments 

    • Love bombers compliment their way into your mind and heart. Getting compliments feels really nice because it boosts our self-esteem and makes us feel good about ourselves. Compliments are like little dopamine hits here and there. However, if your date is over-complimenting you, A LOT, like every other sentence is about how much of a goddess you are, check to see if the compliments are coming from a genuine place. Some people are just affirmative; others are using it as a ploy to get closer to you and for you to trust them more. 

  3. They promote excessive communication

    • Love bombers communicate a lot at first. Texts. Phone calls. Notes. E-mails. Voicemails. Facetimes. The texting and calling feel good because you have another's complete attention. They are prepping you to get used to this attention and adoration. They are making it seem like you are incredibly important to them and that you come first in their life. In later stages, they will pull this attention away from you out of nowhere. Use this attention as a form of control to put you in an off-kilter scarcity mindset. 

  4. They demand constant attention + monopolize your time

    • Love bombers want your full attention. They want your time. They will persuade you to stop your hobbies, interests, and time with others to put them first. During the honeymoon phase, this happens because both lovers are so engulfed in the falling-in-love process that they forget to tend to the outside world; however, beware of people who persuade you from spending time with others or influence you to stop what you're doing so that they can have all of your attention. Beware of people who attempt to monopolize your time and isolate you. Once they isolate you, forming and manipulating you into what they desire is easier. 

  5. They demand commitment

    • Love bombers want you to commit from the beginning. It could be a few dates in before they ask you to be exclusive. They want you to commit before you even know them. They aren't interested in fully knowing you before you make that big commitment. They want you all to themselves, not in a loving way, in a controlling way.

  6. They resist your boundaries

    • Love bombers don't like boundaries. If you say, hey, I'm going to take the night to clean my house and recharge. They will push and push by saying things like, "but I miss you," "I'm going to a nice dinner tonight; you're going to miss out," or how about I help you clean? They will find a way to work around any of the boundaries you set that don't agree with their agenda. 

  7. They make 'soul mate' claims

    • Love bombers use words like soulmates and the one before they get to know you and use this as a quick way to trap you into a fairy tale. If someone claims you are their soulmate within the first few dates, that's a red flag. You don't even know my Starbucks coffee drink, and you think we are one soul split into two, and we suddenly found each other. Ok.  

  8. They say, 'I love you' very quickly

    • Love bombers say "I love you" very quickly. It will come out of nowhere and most likely confuse you. Again, they do not know you, and it takes time to get to know people. Time is something that they don't like. They want to hurry you into falling in love with them, and they know if they say the three magic words, you'll be forced to say it back to them, or at the very least, think about it. 

  9. They are good at saying what you want to hear

    • Love bombers are good at telling you exactly what you want to hear. They will have studied and learned about you by researching you, looking at your socials, and paying attention to the things you like. They may be very agreeable to the ideas you set forwards and agree with you on everything so that you feel that you are on the same page. 

  10. They mirror you

    • Love bombers are good at mirroring. They will like all of the activities that you like. They will be into cooking if you're into cooking. They will have the same political views that you have. They will like to go to bed at the same time you do. They will mirror you so that you feel comfortable. So that you feel like you have found someone compatible with you. 

  11. They make you feel like you're being saved

    • Love bombers like to be the hero in your story. They will act as if they swooped you up from a horrible situation. They will make it so that you are dependent upon this story, so you feel like you need them, that you aren't safe in the world without them. Like they are prince charming stomping in on a white horse to whisk you away to the fairytale of your dreams. 

  12. They make immediate promises about the future

    • Love bombers make a ton of promises about the future. We're going to have kids together. I want to marry you. I want to buy you that house. I want to be yours forever. They know what you want to hear. They know what your dreams are for the future. They will ask questions about what you want your future to be like. Then they will promise you all of that. Unfortunately, they have no desire to fulfill these promises, which are all lies. 


 

So that wraps up our 12 signs of a Love Bomber. Remember, if it feels too good to be true, then it probably is. You will begin to notice holes in their stories as time goes on, and until you unveil who this person is and what they truly desire from you, don't let them spin webs of lies around you until you are trapped in a position that you cannot get out of. Take your time getting to know people. Don't let them rush. Don't let them sell you a dream. People don't always have your best intentions at heart, and trust is built by others following through with actions, not words. 

 

What did you think about this video? Are you getting love bombed? Or have you in the past? Let us know in the comment section below, and see you later, moodlings.

 

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